i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
