On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
