Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This can only be settled by a dance off.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
