I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
