why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
