I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
