Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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