Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
