Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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