STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
