I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
