What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think a kid would responsible me up
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
