turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
