so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
