You're my little dorito
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found the puke drawer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
