She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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