Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
