i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
