I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
