is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
