I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
