3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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