Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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