The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
