You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
