so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
