U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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