shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
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it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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