It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He passed out mid-signature
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
