It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
if only i could text you this smell
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
