1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
