hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
