On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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