I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
