Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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