Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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