i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
false alarm, still single
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
