Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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