bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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