Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
