I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
