sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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