I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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