I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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