My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Life without a bra equals bliss.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
