a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
These tits shall not be calmed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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