Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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