I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
