in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
