you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
