Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
