I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
