if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
