i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
