i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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