I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
