dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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