Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
