My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
