All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
