My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
