He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
