dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
