drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
