Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
