i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
