I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
