I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
