I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
