I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
