Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
being pregnant is like rehab
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
