you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
