i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
