if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize