I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
