What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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