How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
