i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
