ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
