My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
