Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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