I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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