I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
