Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
